June 8th, 2016
I mentioned in my last post that I was
going away to Ottawa. I got back a couple days ago and it was
certainly a fun adventure! Practically everything I did was outside
of my comfort zone. I hate highway driving so the fact that I went on
such a trip was a huge step for me. Never mind that I actually drove
in a big city! Mind you, I only drove in downtown Ottawa once and the
whole time my friend was telling me where to go and what lane to be
in. Baby steps, right? Driving is not something that came naturally
to me. My mother, who taught me, could certainly attest to this. I
have come a long way since almost putting us in a ditch while driving
10 km an hour on a back road.
I'm also not someone who would be
described as outdoorsy or adventurous. On trips like this I would
usually being going up for an indoor event and on my spare time go to
places like shopping malls. Not this time. I went to Ottawa for a 6
km mud obstacle course....and by mud, I mean mud. Like swimming in
thick disgusting mud. Getting it up my nose, brushing it out of my
braces. That kind of mud. At one point I even started to panic at the
top of an obstacle. All while covered in mud, of course.
On our spare time we went on a hike and
we went spelunking in cave. (Apparently that's a thing?) Who knows
what could have been in that water? All we had for light was the
flashlight app on my cellphone. It was so dark, cold, and slimy. I
must have drove my friend nuts constantly implying our imminent
death. Okay, it was more than implying, “we are going to slip and
crack our heads open and no one will find our dead bodies.”
Not every experience was overwhelming
for me; we did do a couple of things that were well within my comfort
zone. We checked out the Parliament buildings, went out to dinner and
ate at a sit down chocolate place. I got to experience fondue for the
first time which was amazing.
This trip was also my first time going
away overnight since getting out of the hospital in March. Going away
has never been a huge deal for me, but this time it was. Going away
meant I couldn't just go home and hide when my emotions were
overwhelming. I also didn't have the safety net of a familiar
environment or familiar people (outside of my friend, of course).
Emotionally this trip was draining. The
first hour of driving to Ottawa I was doing breathing exercises and
forcing myself not to turn around and go home. Throughout my trip I
was in a constant state of anxiety but I was able to manage it okay.
I did not sleep well. I was in a panic leaving Ottawa because my gps
re-routed me and I was paranoid I was going to end up on the
Queensway. I called my friend but could not get a hold of her.
Fortunately that is not what ended up happening.
Overall though, it was so worth it. I
am thankful my friend encouraged me to go past my limits. I am proud
of all that I accomplished in Ottawa. I am also glad I got to spend
so much time with my friend. We have never spent that much time
together. I even got to see another friend on my way home. I stopped
in at her place and spent the night.
Would I do it all again? No. But that's
okay. It was a good one time experience.
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