Journal 18 - Accepting Limits

September 3rd, 2016

I think that having high expectations of myself is a good thing, but I am learning there needs to be some sort of balance. I seem to bounce back and forth between being the most goal oriented person you have ever met and having no goals at all. I assume that I am a goal oriented person by nature but then my mental health issues set me back. I will not always be able to achieve what I expect from myself, but that does not mean I should give up and expect nothing. However, I think adjusting my goals daily is permissible. On a really bad day, simply getting out of bed could be the goal. I think there needs to be something to strive for, but it should be realistic and I should not be setting myself up for failure. I'm noticing that if I fail, I give up entirely.

I often get frustrated with myself because there are many things I used to be able to do and now I struggle with them. At times even mundane tasks are impossible and I get upset because I 'should' be able to do them. Again, I think I need be realistic. If there are tasks that absolutely need to get done, I should pick one and make that my only focus of the day. If I don't complete it, insulting myself profusely is probably not the way to go. I should accept my limitations.

Accepting my limitations includes my mental illness. It exists. It's not going anywhere anytime soon and I should learn to embrace it. Do I wish it would go away? Obviously, but it's not going to happen. For the rest of my life I will to some degree struggle with mental health problems. It is okay that that is part my identify. Mental illness does not make me flawed or any less of a human being. We all have our own battles to face and this one happens to be mine. You can't fight a battle if you pretend it isn't happening.