Journal Entry 12 - Therapy Update

July 27, 2016


Well it appears that it has been about a month since I have given any sort of update. I get more hours at work in the summer and my life in general just becomes busier. Plus I have been too lazy to write, so there is that too.

New views on professional help 

I finished session 11 of group therapy yesterday and there are only about 5 or 6 sessions left. I'm looking forward to it being over, but in some weird way I think I will miss it. You know, as much as I have loathed getting professional help in the past (some days I still do), it's not all that bad. Going in with an open mind, a willingness to put in effort, and an acceptance that it is going to be tough sometimes, makes a huge difference. Of course I am still skeptical, but I know it's about finding what works for me and more importantly who works for you. If I hate the person who is supposed to be helping me, it's not going to beneficial. Obviously there is no way to have complete control over this. If there was, my old counselor would not be living out west right now!

Therapy homework

Do I complete all my homework every week and do it to the best of my ability? Not a chance. It's more of a last minute, occasionally throw some effort in thing. I am slowly getting better though. I have even had a binder for a couple weeks now! That counts for something, right? I'm thinking about typing some of my "individual" homework I do on here, but selectively of course. Somethings I am just not super willing to share.

Standing out 

This week at therapy I shared something I am currently going through to the group. My individual counselor knows a lot about this, but the group has had no idea. I shared it, we talked about a few things and then we left to go on break. I was hesitant to talk about it because I was embarrassed, but I got over myself and did. That was all fine and dandy until the facilitator got back from break. She came back and said something along the lines of "I have been thinking about what you said before break and I think you are remarkable person, I don't know how you do it." She said a few other things and then apologized for embarrassing me; it was a nice gesture but I was super uncomfortable and I wanted her to stop talking about me. I am not sure if she was trying to reinforce me to share such things more often or what, but I really wanted to move on. THEN, she asked me if I had a few minutes to talk to her after the session.

Talking to her after 'class' was fine. She had a book she thought would be good for me to read if I was interested and she wanted to show it to me. A lot of the content is relevant to what I struggle with. The title of the book included my diagnosis, which for some strange reason annoyed me. I think it's because I like to pretend she does not have a file about me and my struggles. However, it's likely a coincidence and not why she brought the book to my attention. Also, it makes sense that a book that is supposed help people with my diagnosis is relevant to me. Duh. Why would that annoy me?

.... I'll sum up some other stuff in another post. I really need to get ready for work! I'm excited, I know it will be a good shift today. I love my job.

To my Best Friend on her Birthday

Happy 23rd Birthday, Kayla!

(Yes, before you scold me, I know your birthday is not until the 6th. I am posting this now because you are celebrating tomorrow).

I think this year I am going to spice things up and make your birthday message short and sweet. You're awesome. I love you. I hope your day is great.

Love always,
That annoying not-so-blonde-blonde who keeps sticking around.


P.S. You know me better than that. Be prepared for so much sappiness.