Sept 16th/2016
Dear God,
I know I don't pray enough. I know I don't try hard enough. I know I deliberately sin without thinking twice. I also know that you love me anyway. I know I need to turn to you more, and tonight, that is what I am doing.
You know my struggles and understand them more than I could possibly imagine. I see now that these difficulties have lead me to people I would have never met and some of my other relationships have been strengthened because of them. I also have a new direction that I would like my career to go in and I have gained insight from my experiences. I see it Lord. I see the positives in these hardships. I see they have a purpose.
Regardless of the positives, you know the negatives are so challenging for me. You see my weaknesses. My self-pity parties, my avoidance techniques, my lack of motivation, my anxiety, my emotional irregularity. Oh you see it all.
You also see my strengths. You see when I get up anyway. You see when I give every ounce of energy I have left to my job. You see how much I truly and deeply care about others.
Tonight I am not asking you why. I am asking you for help. You know I want you to take my mental illness away. I want all these experiences to just be a dream. I would give you limbs off my body just so I could regulate my emotions.
I could and likely should, ask you for strength to face adversities. Strength to persevere and keep going. I cannot do it on my own, I'm going to need your help. Your guidance. I'm only human and I feel that you have given me too much to handle. Please take some of the burden away. Please at least give me a break from it. I'm tired, Lord. I see my progress but progress sometimes takes more effort than crisis. Please, I don't know what else to do.
In Jesus name,
Amen
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